Is forced bi kink really forced?

Your wife or girlfriend demands you engage in sexual activities with another man. She orders you to give oral sex or receive anal sex. As the straight, submissive man, you service the man and sometimes the woman, too. While you are pleasuring the man, you may be kissing her, or she may be guiding your head while you give oral sex to the man.

These activities are considered forced bi kink. The straight man’s role in this scenario is to engage in male-to-male sex for the woman’s pleasure. To her, she sees it as humiliating, but sometimes, she perceives it as a gesture of love. But how is the straight man feeling about all of this?

He may really want to participate in “forced bi” sex, but he’s not ready to admit it. That is why he allows the woman to “force” him to engage in bi kink activities. It removes his guilt and shame and any ideas that he may be gay or bisexual. He is free to give oral sex and receive anal sex while the woman watches and participates, because, in his mind, he is submitting to the dominant woman. In many cases, he too, is enjoying the erotic experience.

Although most of the scenarios in forced bi sex are about domination and humiliation, the dominant woman often gets turned on as men experiment with their sexuality. She also may perceive her role as helping men find their “true sexual selves,” and she guides them along to this path of discovery. In rare instances, she gets satisfaction from trying to reprogram straight men into becoming gay or pushing them into this new lifestyle for her own selfish purposes. The motivations for women in forced bi kink can vary considerably, while the man continues to play his role as the willing submissive.

Forced bi sex often is considered humiliating because it is male with male sexual activity, which unfortunately still is stigmatized and taboo in our culture. The humiliation is exacerbated when one male is forced to be subservient to another man under the command of a woman.

Occasionally in my practice I am asked if men engaging in forced bi actually are gay or bi. And, can a straight man be into it? Sometimes the guys are gay or bi, and the “forced” sexual activity gives them the opening to come out with less guilt and shame. But in most cases, the men usually are straight or bicurious. They may have a fantasy to be with a man and they now can live out their fantasy under the woman’s “orders.” They know having sex with other men is taboo, but they secretly want to explore sex with another man. Having “permission” from their female partner makes the activity even more erotic for them. As long as he can say he is forced, he does not have to admit he is enjoying the experience or take any responsibility for it happening. He is free from any internalized homophobia or biphobia and the humiliation attached to it. The pressure from adhering to traditional gender roles is removed.

In addition, some straight men are not the initiators of sex with their female partner because they fear rejection but being forced to initiate sex with a man removes this inhibition and allows him to express his sexual feelings freely and confidently, allowing for even greater arousal.

Unfortunately, most straight men engaging in “forced” bi sex keep their secret hidden. Even though gay rights appear to be more accepted in our society today, men having sex with men is still considered unacceptable. I always say when a straight man has one non-heterosexual thought, he is stigmatized, but when a straight woman has a non-heterosexual thought, it is fetishized.

I want to emphasize that forced bi sex as discussed in this article is not illegal. The people involved are not forced against their will to engage in the activity. They all have given their consent to participate.