Cracking the Erotic Code:

Helping Gay Men Understand Their Sexual Fantasies

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CONTACT DR KORT

We all have an erotic code. Your peak erotic experiences and fantasies have coded information about you that can help you understand yourself better. Through this book, you’ll see how nonsexual narratives exist in your sexual interests that will help crack your erotic code. You will learn how to have a sex-positive attitude toward your sexual fantasies and minimize any shame you carry about your erotic interests.

Overall, we live in a sexually illiterate society. Jokes like the one about Eddie’s mother symbolize our naiveté about what to call many sexual interests, let alone what they mean.

Gays, bisexuals, and straights are given little permission to explore all of their sexuality, including their erotic interests, fantasies, and behaviors that some may consider out of the norm. Your sexual behavior should not be ruling you, particularly if they are taking you to unhealthy places. Most people, gay and straight alike, don’t know if their fantasies and behaviors are healthy or not. While gay men are more inclined to act out their desires and fantasies more candidly than their heterosexual counterparts, still they remain confused as to what’s truly positive and self-affirming.

Therapists are typically uncomfortable talking to their clients about sexuality, mostly because they haven’t been trained in working with sex and sexuality nor have worked on exploring their own sexual issues. In J. C. Duffy’s comic Go Fish, a client and therapist are talking with each other. “There are things I keep hidden from you, Dr. Floyd,” the client admits. To which Dr. Floyd responds, “And I want you to know how much I appreciate that, Mr. Pendleton.”

Believe it or not, more than 80 percent of all therapists feel like Dr. Floyd when it comes to their clients’ sexual confessions. Most therapists are not trained in sexuality or sexual health. We are all still pioneering this path and all too many psychotherapists still have a low comfort level. If sexuality has been explored much at all, it’s from a negative perspective exploring sexual abuse, sexual trauma, and negative messages received about sexuality during one’s formative years. An increasing amount of literature is recently coming from a sex- positive place, describing the benefits of understanding your erotic map.

What is Your Erotic Code?

Sexual Fantasies and Integrity

Emotional Landscape and Attachment

Erotic Intelligence

Healthy Sexuality

Sexual Intimacy

Core Erotic Themes

Pornography Is Today’s Sex Education

Bathhouses

Gay Dating and Sex Apps

Taking My Breath Away

Returning to the Scene of the Crime

Lost Tweakends

Bodily Harm

Unhung Heroes: Men with Small Penises

What Is Too Small—Really?

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy

Paying for Love

Objects of Passion

Cam You See Me?

Does HIV Really Have to Be the Price to Pay to Belong?

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

Letter to Gift-Giver Perpetrator:

Homo-Work on Changing Your Erotic Code

References

LOVED THIS BOOK ….I’m a transgender gay man just coming out …. Joe Kort gave me so many insights and information about myself as a gay man and cracking my erotic code, plus also showing me it is okay to connect socially and emotionally with other gay men like myself, which I have been searching for these past 8 years since coming out as a gay man ….

N. Michael

I found this book to be very helpful, insightful and it provided an opportunity to explore topics in therapy that I hadn’t before. It is an excellent introduction to the concept of erotic coding.

Dean

I feel like I learned some things, but it left me wanting more insight. All in all it was a good read.

David M. Major

Joe Kort is one of the most refreshing and consistent voices in modern sexuality. In his latest winning book, he helps us understand and celebrate male sexuality and erotic desire. Kort’s words empower us to employ various tools and insights to unlock our personal erotic codes – giving us deeper insight into who and what we are sexually. Not only does this approach help us get what we want, it’s also an approach based in sex-positivity and erotic affirmation – an approach that leaves no room for the toxic trio of shame, guilt and repression – poisons our current cultural landscape has quite enough of already.

DMO