Cracking the Erotic Code:

Overall, we live in a sexually illiterate society. Jokes like the one about Eddie’s mother symbolize our naiveté about what to call many sexual interests, let alone what they mean.

Gays, bisexuals, and straights are given little permission to explore all of their sexuality, including their erotic interests, fantasies, and behaviors that some may consider out of the norm. Your sexual behavior should not be ruling you, particularly if they are taking you to unhealthy places. Most people, gay and straight alike, don’t know if their fantasies and behaviors are healthy or not. While gay men are more inclined to act out their desires and fantasies more candidly than their heterosexual counterparts, still they remain confused as to what’s truly positive and self-affirming.

Therapists are typically uncomfortable talking to their clients about sexuality, mostly because they haven’t been trained in working with sex and sexuality nor have worked on exploring their own sexual issues. In J. C. Duffy’s comic Go Fish, a client and therapist are talking with each other. “There are things I keep hidden from you, Dr. Floyd,” the client admits. To which Dr. Floyd responds, “And I want you to know how much I appreciate that, Mr. Pendleton.”

Believe it or not, more than 80 percent of all therapists feel like Dr. Floyd when it comes to their clients’ sexual confessions. Most therapists are not trained in sexuality or sexual health. We are all still pioneering this path and all too many psychotherapists still have a low comfort level. If sexuality has been explored much at all, it’s from a negative perspective exploring sexual abuse, sexual trauma, and negative messages received about sexuality during one’s formative years. An increasing amount of literature is recently coming from a sex- positive place, describing the benefits of understanding your erotic map.