The concept of Response-Ability comes from Rick Carson’s “Taming Your Gremlin”. Our interactions with others are dependent on our taking responsibility for our reactions and our responses to what is seen and heard. It is inappropriate to just react and say and do hurtful things to someone out of reactivity. This can only make the problem [...]

Gay male couples feel a lot of pressure to remain sexually fresh, new, and exciting. That’s the popular stereotype. “All gay men love sex and have it a lot” trumpets the popular press. “If I were gay,” straight men joke, “I would be having sex all the time with my partner! Guys always want it!” So [...]

Paul, a slim, attractive, 29-year-old white man who owns a landscaping company, was referred to me by his therapist (with whom he was making no progress) shortly after he attempted suicide. He told me that eight months previously, Julie, his fiancée, had discovered that he'd been having unprotected anal sex with men. When she confronted him, [...]

Straight Guise is a blog open to all who wish to read, post comments and have a dialogue about men who have sex with men. It will explore the many reasons men have sex with other men, only some of which have anything to do with homosexuality or bisexuality. Many types of men engage in same-sex [...]

Have you ever heard of a dog that gives you the middle finger, snubs you when you call, believes that you exist to please her and that she doesn’t have to please you (unless she feels like it)—and channels the worst parts of your mother to boot? A dog that intentionally tries to trip you when [...]

MISANDRY —The Hatred of Men as a Sex I’m sorry mama! I never meant to hurt you! I never meant to make you cry but tonight I’m cleaning out my closet. —lyrics to Eminem’s Cleaning Out My Closet (I’m Sorry, Mama) Eminem went where no son has publicly gone before—or is [...]

For more about straight men who have sex with men go to www.straightguise.com Many men who have sex with men (MSM) get referred to me by their straight therapists. Holding my books and other coming-out literature in their hands, they explain that their therapists have tried to help them come out. But since they say they [...]

A recent survey asked San Francisco gay men whether they were born gay. Eleven percent of the men felt they were born gay, while the remaining 89% claimed they were “sucked” into it! That joke is funny only because it’s absurd! Absurd as the idea that anyone can change from a gay to a straight orientation, [...]

I like to get a sense of new clients’ family backgrounds. In the first few weeks, I ask for data—the facts about who is who, what things happened to them in their childhood, and how they happened. We have not said one negative thing about their families, yet clients start getting anxious: “Are you going to [...]

Hooking up or Something More? You meet a great guy and sparks fly. Then you don’t hear from him for a bit, until—boom! Round two! Suddenly you’re in a pattern of hooking up regularly, and you like him enough to hope it means you’re dating. But infatuation and sexual attraction can play [...]